


[ me perdonas has been muted in #general ]

by sapphicist



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, THE BEES........, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, bc i dont have the patience to format these as long LMAO, chatfic, crackfic, i think im funny, mostly short, punz is a rich man and wilbur is the textbook definition of eat the rich. so., purpled is terrifyingly smart, quackity is so smart and yet he is so so stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28846374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicist/pseuds/sapphicist
Summary: [ me perdonas ]BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH[ peppa ]Can we please ban quackityplease[ TexasChamp ]AGREED-or,I'm emo about the DSMP and I want them to be happy
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), No shipping - Relationship, thats weirdchamp - Relationship
Comments: 70
Kudos: 339





	1. the bees......

**Author's Note:**

> ...............................yeah
> 
> no romance bc thats weirdchamp  
> sbi r all adopted by phil, tubbo eret ranboo and niki r all siblings and captainsparklez is their dad ok have fun

**[ Tubbo_ has added TommyInnit, Dream, and 9+ others to the chat. ]**

[ **TommyInnit** **]** 4:08 PM  
HELLO????

[ **Technoblade ]** 4:08 PM  
Oh my god  
Let me out

[ **Tubbo_** **]** 4:09 PM  
hello!!!

**[ Wilbur has renamed the chat to THE BEES...... ]**

**[ Wilbur ]** 4:09 PM  
the bees.........

 **[ Tommy ]** 4:10 PM  
the bees.........

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 4:10 PM  
the bees.........

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:10 PM  
Okay Jesus Christ I don't know what's going on 

**[ Dream ]** 4:11 PM  
it's the bees  
duh

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:11 PM  
That means nothing to me

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 4:11 PM  
the bees..........

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:12 PM  
Oh my god  
Niki I can see you typing  
For the love of all that is holy please help me

 **[ Nihachu ]** 4:12 PM  
:)

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:12 PM  
Wait

 **[ Nihachu ]** 4:13 PM  
The bees..........

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:13 PM  
I'm going to start barking  
_Message deleted._

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:13 PM  
PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE GOT A SCTREENSHOT OF THAT MESSAGE

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:13 PM  
CAUGHT IN 4K BABY  


**[ Technoblade ]** 4:14 PM  
Photoshop

[ **TommyInnit ]** 4:14 PM  
EVERYONE GET HIS ASS

**[ Technoblade has left THE BEES...... ]**

**[ Tubbo_ ]** 4:15 PM  
not on my watch, btich

**[ Tubbo_ has added Technoblade to THE BEES...... ]**

**[ Technoblade ]** 4:16 PM  
FREE ME  
IM BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 4:16 PM  
suffer :)

 **[ TommyInnit ]** 4:17 PM  
ATTA BOY!!!

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:17 PM  
Fear

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:17 PM  
so true TechnoBlade so true  
wait

 **[ Sapnap ]** 4:18 PM  
what

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:18 PM  
WAIT  
HOLD ON  
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT WILBURS DISCORD IS ON LIGHT MODE

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:18 PM  
Blinking sound effect  
I have no idea what you're talking about el oh el

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:18 PM  
  
Caught in 4K, nerd

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:18 PM  
DO YTOU EVEN KNJOW WHAT THAT MEANS?????

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:18 PM  
I can infer  
Can't say the same for you tho

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:18 PM  
i'm going to slaughter you where wyou stand, coward

 **[ Ranboo ]** 4:19 PM  
arent you guys supposed to be in class

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:19 PM  
Bold of you to assume I'm not 

**[ Sapnap ]** 4:19 PM  
i can confirm hes in class  
i sit like. to his left, two seats behind him  
hes typing underneath his desk  
and not even looking at his phone  
which is very mildly impressive  
OH  
FUCK YOU WILBUR  
BITCH

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:20 PM  
blaze it  
AND LMAOOO I SAW THAT

 **[ Nihachu ]** 4:21 PM  
oh my god   
wilbur

 **[ Karl ]** 4:21 PM  
sorry i just got on  
what did wilbur do

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:21 PM  
HE FUCKING STGICK BUGGED SAPNAP

 **[ Sapnap ]** 4:21 PM  
HE STICLK BUGGED ME  
THAT BTICH

 **[ Nihachu ]** 4:21 PM  
He stick bugged sapnap :( 

**[ Technoblade ]** 4:22 PM  
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **[ Sapnap ]** 4:22 PM  
I AM GOING TO KILL WILBUR SOOT  
ANDT ECHNOBLADE  
WITH MY BARE HANDS  
I AM GOING TO GUT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!  
YOU WILL DIE BY MY HANDS, BITCH  
I HATE YOU  
I HATE YOU  
I HATE YOU

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:22 PM  
This is bullying

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:22 PM  
deserved

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:23 PM  
he hates you too

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:23 PM  
omg twinning!!!! :heart_eyes:

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:23 PM  
Perish

 **[ Punz ]** 4:23 PM  
For the love of god  
will all of you shut up  
youre blowing up my phone

 **[ Technoblade ]** 4:24 PM  
Hush, Punz

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 4:24 PM  
shut up punz

 **[ TommyInnit ]** 4:24 PM  
SILENCE, BITCH BOY!

 **[ Ranboo ]** 4:25 PM  
did  
did they synchronize those messages  
is that what just happened

 **[ Quackity ]** 4:25 PM  
the watson siblings r terrifying god bless

 **[ Karl ]** 4:25 PM  
amen 

.

.

.

[ GeorgeNotFound ] 9:02 PM  
wait i was asleep what did i miss


	2. STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY LITTLE BROTHER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Technoblade ] 1:15 AM  
> You are so dramatic
> 
> [ WilburSoot ] 1:15 AM  
> you were literally an english major  
> Eat shit and Die
> 
> [ Technoblade is offline! ]
> 
> [ WilburSoot ] 1:15 AM  
> the evil is vanquished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd and short el oh el

**[ the bees...... - 1:09 AM ]**

_**[ WIlburSoot is online! ]** _

**[ WilburSoot ]** 1:09 AM  
question

 **[ Technoblade ]** 1:09 AM  
answer

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:09 AM  
get fucked :thumbsup:  
anyway  
i was wondering   
why ARE trix just for kids

_**[ Punz is online! ]** _

**[ Punz ]** 1:09 AM  
jesus christ

[ **WilburSoot ]** 1:09 AM  
its a genuine question   
bitch

 **[ Punz ]** 1:10 AM  
wilbur soot die by my hand challenge

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:10 AM  
not my fault you're a massive bitch

 **[ Punz ]** 1:10 AM  
i know where you live motherfucker

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:10 AM  
so do i  
you're not special

_**[ Ranboo is online! ]** _

**[ Ranboo ]** 1:11 AM  
dare i ask

 **[ Punz ]** 1:11 AM  
no

 **[ Ranboo ]** 1:11 AM  
fair enough

 **[ WIlburSoot ]** 1:12 AM  
don't listen to the filthy one percenter, ranboo  
go ahead

 **[ Ranboo ]** 1:12 AM  
no but serously  
why DO punz and wilbur hate each other so much???  
like ive know wilbur through tommy and tubbo since i was like. fourteen  
and no ones ever told me

**[ Quackity is online! ]**

**[ Quackity ]** 1:12 AM  
ITS SO FUNNY

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:12 AM  
ITS NOT  
DO NOT TELL HIM

 **[ Quackity ]** 1:12 AM  
IT ISSSSS  
PLEASE LET ME TELL HIM  
PLEASE  
WILBUR

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:13 AM  
iTS SERIOUS!!!!! 

**[ Nihachu is online! ]**

**[ Nihachu ]** 1:13 AM  
What's serious?

 **[ Ranboo** ] 1:13 AM  
hi niki!!  
and read up ^^

 **[ Nihachu ]** 1:13  
Hello Ranboo!!  
Okay give me a moment  
Oh  
OH

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:13 AM  
niki please

 **[ Nihachu ]** 1:14 AM  
I mean,  
Wil  
They have a point

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:14 AM  
WHAT

 **[ Nihachu ]** 1:14 AM  
It's a little funny

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:14 AM  
WHAT  
WHAT  
WHAT  
WHAT  
WHAT  
WHAT  
WHAT  
BETRAYED  
I AM BETRAYED  
BY MY BEST FRIEND  
THIS IS SO FUCKED   
THIS IS SO SICK AND TWISTED

 **[ Technoblade ]** 1:15 AM  
You are so dramatic

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:15 AM  
you were literally an english major  
Eat shit and Die

**[ Technoblade is offline! ]**

**[ WilburSoot ]** 1:15 AM  
the evil is vanquished

 **[ Quackity** **]** 1:15 AM  
holy shit  
you are so powerful wilbur soot

[ **WilburSoot ]** 1:16 AM  
god i know im so sexy arent i

 **[ Punz ]** 1:16 AM  
why would you lie to our faces like that

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:16 AM  
and what the fuck is that supposed to mean 

**[ Punz ]** 1:16 AM  
it means you're ugly  
whore

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:17 AM  
count your fucking days

 **[ Punz ]** 1:17 AM  
bold of you to assume i know how to count 

**[ WilburSoot ]** 1:17 AM  
can we add that to the list along with "rich" and "illiterate" 

**[ Punz ]** 1:17 AM  
what  
What list

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:18 AM   
your list of irredeemable qualities 

**[ Punz ]** 1:18 AM  
DROP UR LOCATION  
LETS FIGHT   
RN

 **[ Quackity ]** 1:18 AM  
punz  
isn't he like. 6'5.  
he could drop kick you

 **[ Punz ]** 1:18 AM  
just means im closer to hell baby  
got more anger   
got more rage 

**[ Ranboo ]** 1:19 AM  
you never answered my question

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:19 AM  
punz is a filthy thief   
and also rich and i hate him

 **[ Ranboo ]** 1:19 AM  
thief?????

 **[ Punz ]** 1:19 AM  
fine  
ill tell him

 **[ Quackity ]** 1:19 AM  
YES

 **[ Punz ]** 1:19 AM  
so when we were in like  
eighth grade   
me and wilbur got paired for an assignment right  
and we decided we were gonna do it at wilburs house

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:19 AM   
fucking mooch

 **[ Punz ]** 1:19 AM  
shut up and let me tell the story dickhead  
anyway. when i got there that afternoon, wilbur wasn't there   
ig he'd forgotten or something?? anyway he was out with friends  
and so phil (wilburs dad) let me in and was like "im so sorry he must have forgotten"   
and i was like "no its fine dw"  
but like. i couldn't call a ride bc both of my parents were out of town   
so i had to fucking. stay at wilburs house for like an hour   
And it was So Fucking Awkward  
BUT  
like ten minutes into the wait  
tommy got home from school  
and he just kind of looked at me, standing awkwardly in their kitchen like :man_standing:   
And he didn't even hesitate and was like "u wanna play hypixel"   
and i was like. sure.   
so we played hypixel for like an hour   
and then mr watson gave me a ride home

 **[ Ranboo ]** 1:23 AM  
wait why does that make you a thief

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:24 AM  
HE PLAYED HYPIXEL  
WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER  
AND AFTERWARD  
TOMMY WOULDNT FUCKING. SHUT UP ABOUT HIM 

**[ Ranboo ]** 1:24 AM  
So????

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:24 AM  
WDYM SO????  
HES A FUCKING BROTHER THIEF 

**[ Ranboo ]** 1:24 AM  
oh my god  
are you  
are you jealous????  
that tommy likes punz more than he likes you??????

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:25 AM  
NO

 **[ Quackity ]** 1:25 AM  
yes

 **[ Nihachu ]** 1:25 AM  
Yes.

 **[ Punz ]** 1:25 AM  
yeah

 **[ WilburSoot ]** 1:26 AM  
I HATE IT HERE

 **[ Punz ]** 1:26 AM  
L 

**[ WilburSoot ]** 1:26 AM  
I'll kill you with my bare hands

 **[ Punz ]** 1:26 AM  
okay wilbur soot :thumbsup:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: wilbur and punz's hatred for each other is taken from the canon fact that punz took both of wilbur's first two canon lives.


	3. chemisery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YUP YUP YUP WE'RE BACK

**[ the bees...... - 10:36 AM ]**

_**[ Jack Manifold is online! ]** _

**[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:36 AM  
@Tubbo_  
@Tubbo_  
@Tubbo_  
@Tubbo_

_**[ Tubbo_ is online! ]** _

**[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:36 AM  
Jack Manifold i am inc lass

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:36 AM  
I am more important

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:36 AM  
fair enopugh  
what can i do for u

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:36 AM  
give me admin

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:36 AM  
no

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:37 AM  
Tubbo Underscore please it would be so funny 

**[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:37 AM  
im very aware  
but Jack Manifold i do not trust you with a position of power  
ever

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:37 AM  
thats fair  
but still  
for the bit, Tubbo Underscore  
anything for the bit 

**[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:37 AM  
Jack Manifold please give me two reasons i shoudl give you any kind of power over others

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:37 AM  
i am hot and sexy and cool  
and also it would be funny 

_**[ TommyInnit is online! ]** _

**[ TommyInnit ]** 10:38 AM  
VOUCH

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:38 AM  
thank you tommyinnit

 **[ TommyInnit ]** 10:38 AM  
of course jack manifold   
and also eat shit and die :thumbsup:

_**[ TommyInnit is offline! ]** _

**[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:38 AM  
What a strange, strange man  
anyway  
give me admin

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:39 AM  
why do ueven want it 

**[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:39 AM  
funny  
also i want the power to change peoples nicknames 

**[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:39 AM  
we can change our nicknames????????

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:39 AM  
i  
yes????  
did you not know this???

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:39 AM  
NO?????????????????

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:39 AM  
HAVE YOU NEVER USED DISCORD BEFORE??????

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:40 AM  
LEEVE ME ALONE

 **[ Quackity ]** 10:40 AM  
Turbo how to you Function as a human being

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:40 AM  
hello big q

 **[ Quackity ]** 10:40 AM  
hello jack manifold

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:40 AM  
to answer ur quesiton, big q  
i dont

 **[ Quackity ]** 10:40 AM  
yeah that tracks

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:40 AM  
if u right click on someones name/icon  
then click "change nickname"   
you can change someone elses  
bc ur admin

**[ Tubbo_ has changed Quackity's nickname to 'big q'! ]**

**[ big q ]** 10:41 AM  
he's learning :)

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:41 AM  
oh  
you have given me So Much Power  
smile

 **[ big q ]** 10:41 AM  
monkaW  
thats not ominous at all

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:41 AM  
Tubbo you are quite literally the admin of this server  
how do you not know how to work discord

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:41 AM  
i am but an old old man  
senile in my age

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:41 AM  
you are??????? sixteen????????

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:41 AM  
so old Jack manifold

**_[ big q has changed their nickname to 'me perdonas'! ]_ **

**[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:42 AM  
me perdonas

 **[ me perdonas ]** 10:42 AM  
so true jack manifold so true

 **[ Jack Manifold ]** 10:42 AM  
i need a fitting nickname  
quick tubbo underscore  
name me

_**[ Tubbo_ has changed Jack Manifold's nickname to 'nuke'! ]** _

**[ nuke ]** 10:42 AM  
wh

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:42 AM  
seventh period chemistry

 **[ nuke ]** 10:42 AM  
SHUT UP  
WE SWORE WE WOULD NEVER SPEAK OF THAT TIME AGAIN

 **[ me perdonas ]** 10:43 AM  
i am both intrigued and horrifically confused

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:43 AM  
you see  
im a bit of a mad scientist   
dr frankenstein, if you will

 **[ me perdonas ]** 10:43 AM  
terrifying  
carry on

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:43 AM  
long story short me and jack manifold are chemsitry nerds  
and we are no longer allowed to partner up in mrs. mizu's seventh period chemistry class

 **[ me perdonas ]** 10:43 AM  
AND LONG STORY LONG???

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:43 AM  
sorry he has me under an nda i cant talk abt it :/

 **[ nuke ]** 10:43 AM  
ur damn right i do 

**[ me perdonas ]** 10:43 AM  
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

_**[ Purpled is online! ]** _

**[ Purpled ]** 10:44 AM  
are we talking abt the time jack and tubbo blew up the second floor chem lab   
because the school got shut down for like a week bc someone called the cops

 **[ Punz ]** 10:44 AM  
THATS what happened?????  
dude that got me out of doing my final essay in mr. sparklez's english class 

**[ me perdonas ]** 10:44 AM  
wHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?????????  
I DO NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THIS

 **[ Purpled ]** 10:44 AM  
i think it was during the seniors trip to new york   
but im surprised you never heard about it   
also jack why were you even in that class????  
haven't you already graduated 

**[ nuke ]** 10:45 AM  
that was the month mrs mizu let me come in to do temp TA work for her   
there was an uneven number of students since someone was out sick that day so i filled in as tubbos chem partner

 **[ Punz ]** 10:45 AM  
mrs mizu let you do TA work?????????

 **[ nuke ]** 10:45 AM   
this was back when i was thinking abt becoming a teacher  
which i am no longer allowed to do, according to the police 

**[ me perdonas ]** 10:45 AM  
the thought of you being a teacher strikes genuine terror into my heart

 **[ nuke ]** 10:45 AM  
quackity arent you the one who wants to be a fucking lawyer when u get out of high school?

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:45 AM  
to be fair  
didn't quackity get a perfect score on both the SAT's and the ACT's

 **[ nuke ]** 10:45 AM  
HUH?

 **[ Purpled ]** 10:45 AM  
yeah he did   
i remember because me, him, and like three other people were the only ones to get perfect scores 

**[ Punz ]** 10:45 AM  
wait arent you a sophomore???

 **[ Purpled ]** 10:46 AM  
yeah

 **[ Punz ]** 10:46 AM  
and you already took the act and sat???????

 **[ Purpled ]** 10:46 AM  
yeah

 **[ Punz ]** 10:46 AM  
and you got a perfect score on both???????

 **[ Purpled ]** 10:46 AM  
yeah  
why

 **[ Punz ]** 10:46 AM  
you terrify me 

**[ Purpled ]** 10:46 AM  
good   
also i didn't realize we were changing our nicknames

**_[ Purpled has changed their nickname to 'purpled bedwars'! ]_ **

**[ Punz ]** 10:46 AM  
oh shit 

**_[ Punz has changed their nickname to 'alexa play money money money by abba'! ]_ **

**[ purpled bedwars ]** 10:46 AM  
i mean at least you're self aware

 **[ nuke ]** 10:46 AM  
anyway  
what was i talking about???  
oh yeah  
@Tubbo_ give me admin

 **[ Tubbo_ ]** 10:46 AM  
NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for my british readers: in american highschools, there are 4 years that go, in order of youngest to oldest, freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior. freshmen are 14-15 years old, sophomores are 15-16 years old, juniors are 16-17 years old, and seniors are 17-18. 
> 
> (for reference, freshmen = yr 10, sophomore = yr 11, junior = yr 12 and senior = yr 13)
> 
> so you have  
> tommy (15), tubbo, ranboo, and purpled (16) - sophomores  
> karl, sapnap, fundy, skeppy (16), bad, ponk, ant, and foolish (17) - juniors  
> quackity (17), wilbur, niki, dream, punz, Callahan, and george (18) - seniors
> 
> you also have the people who are out of highschool who don't fit into that age range, which are  
> Phil (43)  
> Techno (21)  
> Puffy (22)  
> Connor (22)  
> Jack (19)  
> Sam (22)  
> Schlatt (19)  
> Charlie (21)  
> Eret (25)
> 
> there are other people in this universe obviously but these r the main players :thumbsup:

**Author's Note:**

> chapters r going to be short bc im lazy :thumbsup: anyway hope u enjoy


End file.
